During the divorce process consider this…

I’m in the middle of a divorce and it is starting to become contentious. I have an attorney, why would I need an investigator?

Your attorney represents you and is the key to protecting you and your children’s interests, however your Texas divorce attorney needs to go to court armed with evidence. A good investigator will work closely with your attorney and become a part of your “legal team.” Don’t ever assume that the court will recognize that you are telling the truth and your spouse is lying. Your attorney will need evidence. Because of the importance of their relationship, ask your attorney for a recommendation for an investigator. Otherwise, screen several investigators and present them and their credentials to your attorney to make the best choice.


Is selling the marital home the only way to release myself from the mortgage?

When both spouses have their name on the mortgage there are two options to release yourself from the mortgage. You can sell the house and each take your portion of the equity and buy a new home. Or if one spouse intends to keep the house, he or she can refinance the house and get the entire mortgage in his or her name.


While I go through my divorce is there something I can do to avoid repeating my relationship failure in the future?

Some people cope with crises and life’s ups and downs by journaling. Sometimes getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be cathartic and it may help you release many negative feelings. What people don’t realize is that this can also serve as a wonderful reference tool when the time comes that you want to begin dating to meet that special someone. Divorced individuals sometimes lose confidence in their romantic choices after a failed marriage but being able to reference back to the traits about your exe(s) that you want to avoid going forward will help you identify them when you see them in a new person you meet. Likewise, you may also remember some of the good traits that you want more of. We tend to forget or reinvent our past, which can get us in trouble in the future. Being able to reference back can help keep you from repeating the same thing over and over again.


How do I stay emotionally and mentally strong during such a trying time?

The feelings associated with divorce can be similar to the feelings one experiences when a loved one dies. You must trust that in time you will heal and the best way to ensure this is to be productive and positive, as best you can, every single day.


How do I ensure that my children will be able to get through their parents divorce?

Children are resilient. There is no question that your divorce will affect your children. The number one most important thing that you can do for your children is to be civil towards your ex-spouse. Although your loving relationship has ended, your relationship as parents to your children has not. You must model good before and that includes resisting the temptation to say something bad about your ex-spouse to your children.


How can a professional organizer (PO) help me through the divorce process?

Think of a professional organizer who specializes in divorce organizing as a best friend for hire. S/he can “be your brain” during the process, keeping you calm, offering a fresh perspective, and helping you to think rationally when emotions are running high.

A PO lives and breathes organizing. S/he has training and experience in myriad techniques and skills that can complement your own skill set. S/he can keep you on track and on schedule, helping you to meet deadlines and prepare for legal appointments.

A PO is an extra pair of hands, eyes, and legs. S/he can help you on-site to find, gather, and organize documents.

S/he can do research, help balance your checkbook, and provide you with access to other professionals in his/her network.

Overall, a PO can help you to prepare for the divorce process, hold your hand while going through it, and help to create systems to support you in your new life.


We are arguing about who gets the legs on the chairs and the knobs on the drawers. I am constantly overwhelmed and stressed out with the entire divorce process, how can I function effectively amid all this chaos?

It is hard to wake up to conflict each and every day. Stress zaps our time and in so doing our energy. When that happens we are stuck in internal conflict feeling victimized and angry. The only way to push past this is to be willing to see the chair legs and the drawer knobs in shades of gray instead of in black and white. The single most important question to ask is, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?”

How a soon-to-be ex behaves is all about them, but how you choose to react is all about you. Practice “the pause.” Take time to evaluate how you want your interactions to play out before you comment or respond. For instance, if your goal is to have most of the furniture, figure out what other “things” may be most important to your ex and offer those freely. Look for win-wins with an eye on what you can do, not on what you cannot. Things are just transient objects, but your mental and physical health is your foundation forever.

Get the support of friends and family and a great coach to keep your energy and your thoughts focused on the opportunities ahead.
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